This is something i had to leave up to prove how i feel....
~jadeedge~

(Alicia: my fiancee, wrote: )
Ive never posted in this... I have no right its not my journal. My life has been heartbreaking for the past 10 days. To sum up: my relationship has fallen apart.

I'm almost 8 months along now, and though my pregnancy is going great my relationship seems to have taken a turn for the worst.

with all the stress of grandpa i can understand that things are hard for jon, he has pressure at work, with his mom, and again in the art world. But when hes home and no one can judge him he takes all this aggression and stress out on me. I havent been the perfect girlfriend but ive tried everything to get this to work.

After cheating on me for the first 8 months I still took jonathan back because i loved him more then anything and i wanted us to work it out. After telling all my friends horrible things about me being a bad girlfriend, in turn making them want nothing to do with me.. i worked through it. Even through his mothers dissaproval of me and our choices i was strong through all of this, the one thing i never can get over is jons inability to tell the truth not only that but jon pretends not to have a girlfriend when it comes to online, everything hes posted and put online THUS FAR has been me.

I love jon and hes a great guy, but i have no idea if he really loves me, he tells me that he loves me but he tells everyone else he dosent want to be with me. At eight months along its somthing i cant deal with anymore. Its like hes two diffrent people.

no matter how many times we talk about it, it wont change.
I cant do this anymore.

EDIT by ~jon~:
I'm not a big LJ person... so i really hate online drama.
but, i'm going to leave this up with my reply as a show of faith and love for Alicia.
I know you are going to read this so here goes:

I screwed up. And i'm so glad you gave me a second chance with you.

I refrain from posting my relationship stuff online because i don't think it's anyone's business that i don't personally know i.e. "real friends". (no offense) Not because i'm looking for anybody else, or because i'm trying to escape from the relationship. I just don't think it has anything to do with my work as an artist.
And i'm sorry i vented my frustrations to our mutual friends. I never meant for them to dislike you or the things you do. I was just really hurt by some of the things that happened and i wish i could take them back... but i can't. I've tried to rebuild the trust we had, and i don't know what else i can do.

Honestly, i'm afraid of your temper and your moods. I'm scared to have an confrontation with you because i feel that if i stand my ground, you'll leave. I'm not lying about my feelings, i'm just being careful for fear of you taking yourself out of my life. You mean the world to me. You're the mother of my child and i want to be with you. We have our problems, and a lot of em. I have faith that we can work everything out.

If you don't want to be with me, i'll understand. But if you think I don't love you, you've got to be blind. I wouldn't be with someone i didn't care for. You think that it's "convienient" and that's why i stay. This relationship is anything but "convienient"! Things would be much simpler and easier on my own. But being with you makes things worth every effort. I asked you to marry me for a reason: i WANT to be with you. If we can't make things work, we'll have no choice but to go seperate ways. But, i don't want that to happen.

I cant make you stay, but i'm gonna damn well try.
I've told all this to you before. Maybe these words will reach you...
I Love You more than simple words could ever say.
~jon~

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